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March 15, 2011

Every now and again I write in my private pen to paper journal and I have noticed that for the most part those are the times when I am feeling blue. What I feel is a communion with my spirit when I sit with my journal; it is like praying, I suppose. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it does not. The act of stilling my mind is a good thing, at least, and the spilling of words onto the paper is one of those indescribable events in life, at least for me.

The winds are high again and seem to match my mood of late; stormy and gray. Although I am basically happy the condition of the world now disturbs me and I take comfort in the small joys of the present and remember my blessings. Someone once told me that keeping a gratitude journal transformed her life. I have not perfected that, but I am grateful, deep down inside.

One of my recent joys was a nature walk with my husband and two of my grandchildren. We went for a walk along one of the many trails on Sunday morning and took the dog, of course. Little boys, a dog, a stream, sticks, and rocks; it doesn’t get much better than this. The boys are growing up. I am so blessed to have them in my life; blessed to have been present to see them born, blessed to have cared for them the first few years of their lives. I firmly believe that this bonding between us will live on, and that they will always remember me.

It was a little sad to move away (even though it is not THAT far away) but more than that the fact they are getting older and don’t need me as much. They both have all day school, so basically, my role in that sense is over. Bittersweet. I still see them frequently at family gatherings and holidays; now that we have a house I have more space for them when they come for a visit.

From The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle, page 154:

‘Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You cannot lose it and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. In the stillness of your presence you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical from. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.”